The Sunday Before The Autumn Equinox

Good Day and Happy Sunday Smudge Day my Zenful readers. I hope you and your loved ones had a great week and that you've all enjoyed your weekend. I can't believe that the Autumn Equinox is this coming Wednesday. Summer is slowly coming to a close here in Boston. The days are still warm but as some of you may know that can change real quick here in the New England area. This week in the early morning hours, as I've walked my daughter to her bus stop, the morning has been very "autumn" like. It actually felt nice. Some have said "how cold" it is. I smile when I hear it because the winter we just had was so snowy and cold we not even there just yet. And I know this winter will be another hard one for us. Even though it had been cooler in the earlier morning this week, I am appreciating it. Because soon it won't just be 59 degrees in the early hours but way colder, like in the 30s. Brrr. =) It has definitely sweater weather first thing in the morning this past week, but once the morning bears on, so doesn't the heat. Gottah love Boston. HAHA. I know some of us won't enjoy the winter months. The day light becomes shorter and colder as Autumn gets deep into the season, more so when it turns into winter. For me, I have always enjoyed the autumn and winter months. I find it is a time for extra coziness with our loved ones. Just like the bears, other animals and creepy crawlies hibernate, we humans need to slow down when our sunshine in the sky is lessened. Take the time to be quiet some from all the spring and summer activities. I will be doing just that.

Ram Dass was spot on with this quote.

I know we are to appreciate every moment in our lives, time isn't to be rushed. I have been saying how glad I am that this year is nearly over. How it has been a tough one for me and I am glad to see it go. I still am glad to see it go, but I feel a bit differently about the whole time of it, and somewhat rushing it, than I did before. I have been feeling good about my journey despite the hardships I have had. I have become quiet in myself, something I so needed. How can we hear what is within, if we aren't quiet in ourselves to listen? Ram Dass and Deepak Chopra knew what they were talking about. I know it's not easy when one has children that depend on us. But we are just showing our children that its okay to be quiet and be still for a bit. I have found I am happier now that my energy is only flowing to them and to myself. I don't feel as if I am being pulled into so many different directions. The hats I wear are for my children and myself now. I have found in my Zenful thinking, that I am better at being a mother than being a wife; to the person I was married to. Yes, life can have its challenges but over all love shouldn’t make us feel less of a person. Love should shine brightly, glitterize us even ;) Not make us feel we are in the dark. I’d like to share something with you that a special friend shared with me just a few days ago and it was such an eye opener. I would also like to share a post another special friend shared with me Friday night. I’d like to begin by thanking them both Lizzie my SOTS and Jill, my sistah from anothah mistah for sharing this with me. They among others are LOVE and LIGHT!  

In a conversation with Lizzie she said something to me, that made the past 18 years more of a happy time, than an almost a waste of time. I know that may be harsh to say. As a mother we should see that our children are a blessing. And I do. But where I am coming from was a place where, I was committed to be with someone; we were both to be, mother and father, a unit; a team. But it turned out to be one sided. And one can only live that way for so long. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children dearly and I would never ever change my past, because doing so would mean they wouldn’t be my present. But for a long while, I would wonder, “what have I done to my kids. All I wanted was for them to have both parents under one roof.” But thinking this way turned me into a selfless woman, selfless for my X and my children. This behavior made me become bitter and very unhappy. What kind of mother would I be, if I didn’t take care of me. If I can’t be happy how am I supposed to shadow that onto my children? So this is what I have been doing. Working on my own happiness. Being one with myself and so that I can be a great mom to my kids. And I have found that even though I no longer have that “unit” feel. I now see (and again I thank my family and friends for the conversations that have helped me see this) I am the only “unit” my kids and I need. They will see what a strong and independent woman their mama is and how I am able to take care of us and how much happier their mama is. Nothing else that happened before matters. Only my kids and I.

Now to share, what Lizzie said to me, just a few days ago that clicked with me. I will quote her wordage, “Perhaps you had something to learn and two things to gain before you find your true path.” This was so mind blowing for me and has added to my healing, (thank you Lizzie) for I know that I am still in a place of healing. I mean one doesn’t just, with magic and all the glitter in Denmark (hehe) become healed, after being “abused” (whether it’s, emotional, physical, verbal, mental, etc.) for a long time. My abuse was emotional and mental, if you would. I let myself believe his way was the better way. I followed all he did and all he said. I became a “mini him.” As someone dear to me has mentioned. I let him go off and travel and live his own life as I stayed back caring for the kids. I lost myself in the process. Because of this, I did become difficult to love. But only because that was a reflection of what was being shown to me all these years. I am not difficult to love. As the saying goes, “you give what you get.” It’s equal, not just one sided. Jill, my bestie would say all the time I was selfless. It honestly took me a while to understand her wordage, to hear them. My thinking was, this is how I am suppose to be, how it should be. I now see that she was so right. Yes, I was so very selfless. I ate, breathed, and lived being a mother, a wife. Thank you Jill. For there is nothing wrong for being selfless, with your kids, as a mother we must be. But it is very wrong in being selfless with your spouse when you don’t receive that in return. Jill sent me a text the other night with a post she shared with me that was again another eye opener. It stated, “ What hurt her is that she accepted you for who you were. Which to do so included lowering her standards, tolerating more than she ever had, and standing by you even at the expense of sacrificing her own happiness at times. Because what became important to her was finding a way to make “US” work, as she tried to convince herself and everyone else that you were WORTH it. Only to have you prove her wrong and everyone else right.”

I was so wow’d by this. It so made sense for me. Its how I lived my life all these years. I honestly convinced myself this is how it should be. Boy how wrong I was. And guess what? That is okay. Life is all about learning. Had I not gone through this hardship and and not tried to fight for a way “to make US work”, I wouldn’t have been introduced to smudging and even given my first gemstone, the Amethyst. What I felt when I held the gem in my hands for the first time. (thank you so much Amy) Begin my own collection, and even begin to read about Native American and some of the Pagan beliefs. For me I do believe in God, in a higher power. As I have written before, in my past blogs. No, I do not go to church every Sunday. I am not a church goer and I pass no judgement for those that are. If it makes you happy do what feels right. But my belief doesn’t extend that way. My beliefs extend in how the Native Americans practiced (which I wish I can get my hands on more of their traditional ways, baby steps though) and even towards the Pagan ways, which I feel some of the two NA & P ways are somewhat combined. They both deal with the earth and the energy around us. This makes me most comfortable. As you have read my smudge prayer, I call on everyone that I believe in. God, our Lord, The Universe, my ancestors, the elements, the goddesses, as well as the archangels. For me, in all respects these, are all positive energies and who I want with me as I smudge and or help someone in healing.

But had I not suffered in my own relationship with my X, I would not have known this path. Or maybe this path would have been shown to me later on in my life. A new light in my life, Elena (PS. people she makes lovely gemstone jewelry, she’s a force of light in her own right) in conversation a few days ago Elena, reminded me of this. (Thank you for this Elena, it has been almost a year, and I started out as one of your many clients but am now Blessed to know that we are great sister-friends., thank you for making me feel more than a client. YOU are pure light and an amazing soul) The dark had kind of covered this, my remembering when my path began. It has been almost nine years since I have been learned to smudge and work with gemstones. Wow. How wonderful is that? Would I go through the pain all over again in order for me to find and walk the path I am today. To be who I am today? My answer is simply, yes. I have been brought to this path for a reason. And I now see and understand that “time does not heal everything but acceptance will heal everything.” ~ Unknown. 
So today I accept all that once was, so I may give room to all that will be. I open myself to happier times and the Blessings that are waiting for my children and myself. THEY ARE, MY TEAM!, MY UNIT!! The knowing of this makes me so happy. Here I had been kicking myself and feeling I have failed as a mother, I failed my children. But I hadn’t and I have had the answer within me all along.

I am so grateful for what I have learned and what I will continue to learn. I am grateful for the wonderful people that have helped me in some form or another during my journey. I once again want to thank my mother, despite our dumpy journey, I LOVE YOU DEEPLY. Thank you again for keeping your heart open for me. With the challenges Abel has brought me these past few years, I have “heard and listened” to all you have had to said this pass season/summer, and I thank you. And I am listening more than ever to my boy., to our boy. To my little sister I also LOVE YOU DEEPLY, and thank you for opening up your heart to me again and for explaining what was and for opening yourself to me with what will be! NEW YORK CITY BITCHES!!! I am excited for what the future has in store for us. May our bond be tighter than it ever was. Amy, what can I say? My earth sister. Thank you for sharing this different way of prayer with me. You have guided me on a path that has made me feel so great. I have found my calling. Thank you and Vicki for your sister-ship. Again to Lizzie, aka MeeMaw, Jill, and Elena, Thank you for your words, for sharing posts, and for helping me be reminded of how it all began for me. Thank you. I love you so much and am grateful for what we have and share everyday. Lola, Linda, Lisa M, Lisa CAH NA DA (hehe), Heidi (my glitter queen), Reeanne, Melanie.M, Jane, Karen, Margaret, Kimi, J. Winther, Kimmi; aka Whatsinaname, Lizzy aka The Red Rose, CJ, David, Clint (not Eastwood), Muarice and Asgar, all my sistahs from anotha mistah and my brothahs from anotha mothah & the newest brothah member beliefpatrol. I thank each of your for your kind words and wonderful friendship. You guys are all each a quilted pattern of my Zenful journey, filled with love, light, happiness, support and most importantly glitter, yes you read right, glitter. hahaha Had to say it. (hope you all laughed) For all of those that are new and are reading my Zenful blog for the first time, I thank you for taking the time and spending a few minutes here today. It means a lot to me.

 

I’d like to share a few quotes and pictures so you can sit and view and read and sip your water before I begin our smudge prayer for the week ahead. Remember to grab the gems you need, find your favorite spot, in your garden, by the water, in your oasis. Shoot even in your bathroom, if you need a moment. =) Make sure you clear your mind before we begin.

                         Thank you for this Mi BabyGirl. 

                 My mama gifted me this "wish bag". I hope you're able to read the                            words as well. It's a special addition that I keep on my gem/smudge                        table.

                             As I had my balcony door open and was smudging the 
                             leaf was blown onto my porch for me to see. I had to 
                             place it on my mint plant and take a pic look at the red edges. 

Opening smudge prayer:

I'd like to ask The Lord, our Father as well as The Universe to be here with me today as I smudge & cleanse each of you.   

I'd like to call upon my ancestors to surround me with their love and light as I smudge. I also like to call upon the elements fire, earth, air and water. I'd like to ask the goddess of the north, east, south & west, as well as our archangels; Raphael for healing, Michael for protection, Gabriel for revelation & Uriel for wisdom, to join us and surround us with their energy as I smudge and cleanse you today so we may have a great work or school week ahead.

Before I begin, close your eyes and take as many cleansing breaths as you need. Exhale and release any negative thought(s). Love and light only people!!

When you are ready, imagine me wrapping the lit sage & cedar, using its smoke to cleanse you. I begin above your head, (chakra points) forehead, throat, heart, tummy, hip area, and down your legs to your feet. As I'm smudging, I call upon the elements to help you; the wind, to blow your worries and or negativity away, let them burn free from you with fire, soak them away with water so that the element earth may ground you.

Feel the release of this/these negative energy/ies that may have been built up from this past week. I ask those who I have called upon, The Lord, The Universe, my ancestors, the elements, the goddesses, and our archangels, to help release you from any negative thought/s that does not suit or support your needs. Remove any blockage/s that has seeped into your aura and shaken you. 

Take these few minutes to visualize this and clear this negativity away, sip your water wipe your tears do what you need before we bring this Smudging to close.....

Closing Smudge Prayer

With this Sweetgrass I light, may it surround you and yours in the same way I did with the sage but to wrap you with love and happiness always and forever. Feel this energy of love and light wrap around you and bring you peace and happiness.

I'd like to thank you Lord and The Universe for being here with me and I’d like to thank them for giving me the opportunity to help those that I can. I want to thank my ancestors for being present. I'd like to also, thank the elements fire, earth, air and water for being with us. I'd like to thank the goddess of the north, east, south & west. As well as our archangels Raphael for healing, Michael for protection, Gabriel for revelation & Uriel for wisdom.

Thank you Lord and Universe for always looking out for us and for giving us all the Blessings we have. Thank you for our yesterday, for our today and for the abundance of a wonderful week ahead.

Amen.


Wishing everyone a wonderful and magical week ahead. Blessings to you all.